Social media – the internet – is very performative. People are on here spouting their message, their opinions, sharing what feels like every ounce of their lives.
It’s really hard for me to want to be a part of it. (Yet here I am.)
Much of “reality” is very performative.
The term Performative essentially means:
You are being overly dramatic or creating an artistic performance, often acting in a certain way, specifically with an audience in mind. Usually expecting or desiring some kind of response or reaction.
There is often this giant stigma around being performative because it implies that you are being unreal or inauthentic and not depicting reality how it actually is.
I would argue that every act we do is somewhat performative. From the coffee we buy to the make-up we put on our faces – there is always an audience, even if it is just yourself.
But maybe I am just an extremely performative person – I have tattoos and piercings, and I do epic Ironman distance races because I want to push my limits and feel “cool.” I’ve dyed my hair teal and pranced around at festivals in sparkly outfits. I absolutely do things because I want other people’s admiration. But I also do them because I want to feel a certain way.
I think we have to be careful when labeling things as performative in a negative sense because social media and the online world is NEVER the full story. Any experience shared or recounted will always come across as somewhat dramatized. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
Three points I want to make:
1. Awareness is everything.
• How are you coming across to others?
• How might the way that you show up affect others or be interpreted?
• No matter what you share, it is never the whole story, so be cognizant of that and how people will view what you share.
There will be people who do not understand you and misinterpret what you say. You cannot control how other people perceive what you share.
People are going to judge you no matter what.
You are part of the world; if you are putting yourself out there on a public-facing platform and only ever showing a highly curated selection of media – be aware that you may be falling into the trap of toxic positivity.
People are going to judge you for that.
Be aware of what is happening in the world.
I am not saying you have to speak about it or share your opinions about it – but it is your responsibility as a human to know what is happening.
If you are going to be performative and put yourself out there, do so with awareness.
2. What if you didn’t?
How would you behave, act, and even dress if no one else was watching?
Who would you be if you didn’t let the world decide for you?
The negative side of being performative comes from going after a reaction or a response for the likes, the clout, the attention, and “fame.”
Sometimes, we get so far lost down this rabbit hole that we forget who we are. We’ve been showing up for others for so long that we don’t know which parts of our behavior are real or just a way of acting that we have conditioned ourselves to present.
Reflect on your behavior. How do you show up?
• What is learned behavior from your upbringing?
• What do you do because you were told “this” was how you should be?
• What do you do because you know people will respond a certain way?
How much of what you do or how you present yourself is for others?
Would you still show up that way if you were alone in the woods with no one to see?
Look at all the layers. What makes you who you are?
3. STOP Playing Small. Take up Space.
I know I just told you to check yourself.
But something I have been working on and slowly coming to terms with about myself and my life,
And I’m sure if you are like me in any way, you probably experience this too…
You were taught to play small.
To take up less space.
To be quieter.
To lower your voice.
To mask yourself.
To be less vibrant.
To calm down.
To behave yourself.
To get in line.
To wait your turn.
To follow the rules.
To put yourself into little boxes.
To dim your light.
FUCK that shit!
If being performative helps you find your voice, helps you feel safer putting yourself out there and opening up to the world…